Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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