I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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