Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
