did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
