:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize