If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
How's work?
Spinning.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
