you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
