There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize