I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I wear drunk well.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
