well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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