this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
