Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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