Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
