apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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