Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
