turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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