your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize