so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
