i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
