when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
