Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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