when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
