Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
