I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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