It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
