What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
