google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
