omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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