I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
