The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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