I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
