So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
