The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
