All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
