How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
