OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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