Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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