if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
