i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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