i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
