david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
