I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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