bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Randomize
