Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
