Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Found your dick twin last night
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i think i just lost a toe
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