Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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