I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
