Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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