my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
