after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
