So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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