Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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