Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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