Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
