made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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