I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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