how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
did you just send me my own nude
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
