Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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