My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
