so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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