I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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