I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
