he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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