There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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