A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
