My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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