I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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