I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
