Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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