Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
