guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
