No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
