yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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