i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
