Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
